By Alan on Jan 23 in Blog tagged cook, councilor, daughter, designer, doctor, eternal companion, grandmother, leader, mom, mother, nurse, partner, psychologist, spouse, teacher, wife | Comments Off

Daughters of God

“That by him, and through him, and of him,
the worlds are and were created,
and the inhabitants thereof are
begotten sons and daughters unto God.”

D&C 76:24

Joe Ollivetti
For The Family

By Alan on Jan 01 in Blog tagged children, choice, choose, Christ, evil, faith, Family, God, good, hope charity, Jesus, judgment, light, publisher, spirit, spouse, truth | Comments Off

How To Choose Between Good And Evil

As we begin this new year of 2013, I found myself reading the scriptures and was impressed with how God has spoken to us and told us how we can make correct choices and know what is good or evil; that there are opposites in all things and everything can fit into one or the other categories.

We are at a critical path in time of this world when correct choices are most important as they will deternine our lives success and destiny.  We are being bombarded and marketed by forces from both sides of truth as we live in these “great and dreadful days”.

As a husband, a father and grandfather, and one who has been most blessed to have see the world and meet so many people of all nationalities, colors and creeds, and to have many of them become my friends, I feel the need to “open my mouth”. (D&C 60:2)  Also as a publisher of truth for the family, which is the basic unit of society and of God’s children which we all are, I feel the need to speak out that it might cause you to ponder about the course of life that we each are taking and to help us all realize whether we are being led towards light and truth or towards darkness and misery.  God told us how we can tell!

As recorded in the scriptures, God is speaking to those “that are the peaceable followers of Christ, and that have obtained a sufficient hope by which ye can enter into the rest of the Lord, from this time henceforth until ye shall rest with him in heaven.”

We must remember “the word of God which saith by their works ye shall know them; for if their works be good, then they are good also. For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good; for if he offereth a gift, or prayeth unto God, except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing.  For behold, it is not counted unto him for righteousness.  For behold, if a man being evil giveth a gift, he doeth it grudgingly; wherefore it is counted unto him the same as if he had retained the gift; wherefore he is counted evil before God.  And likewise also is it counted evil unto a man, if he shall pray and not with real intent of heart; yea, and it profiteth him nothing, for God receiveth none such.  Wherefore, a man being evil cannot do that which is good; neither will he give a good gift.

For behold, a bitter fountain cannot bring forth good water; neither can a good fountain bring forth bitter water; wherefore, a man being a servant of the devil cannot follow Christ; and if he follow Christ he cannot be a servant of the devil.

Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.  But behold, that which is of God inviteth and enticeth to do good continually; wherefore, every thing which inviteth and enticeth to do good, and to love God, and to serve him, is inspired of God.”

This has been the case since the beginning of time and it is the same today! Now, here is a warning!

“Wherefore, take heed, my beloved brethren, that ye do not judge that which is evil to be of God, or that which is good and of God to be of the devil.  For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain, that ye may know with a perfect knowledge, as the daylight is from the dark night.  For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.”

This is the way!

“Whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him.

And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged. Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.”

As we make our New Year’s resolutions, may we look deeper into our lives and see if there are things that should be removed or things that should be included in our daily pursuit of happiness.  Let’s ask of ourselves:

• Am I spending more time with those that I love?
• Is my home like a house of God, and is love spoken here?
• Is my mind being filled with violent media and crude entertainment, or is it being uplifted with knowledge of truth and reighteousness?
• Do I have faith, hope and charity and do unto others as I would want them to do unto me?
• Have I told my spouse and children how much I love them?
• Do I fill my body with stimulants and garbage instead of whole and healthy foods with excercise to making it stronger?
• Do I know who I am, why I am here, and where I am going after this life?  
• Do I pray and give thanks for the blessings I receive and reach out to others with a charitable heart and time?

The only things that we take with us after this life is our knowledge, experiences, our works, and the family with those we love.

I know that God lives and that Jesus is The Way; The One who will bring us together to live in peace and harmony.

I extend my prayers and blessings upon all those who follow us here at TheFamily.com and though we gift it freely, we make many friends and pray that we may touch some lives and hearts for good.

You are always welcome here and we hope that you will feel like a second home for you.  We will be here for you and will always leave the light on, for good.

 

In closing, I leave you with what God has said to us:

“How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?  And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.  Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.  And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be meek, and lowly of heart.  If so, his faith and hope is vain, for none is acceptable before God, save the meek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and confesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.

And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—  But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.”

Alan Osmond
For The Family

 

 

By Alan on Jun 21 in Blog tagged against MS, Alan Osmond, all-natural treatments, alternative medicines, blender, daily battle, David Osmond, diagnosis, dibilitation, disease, essential, Family, Father and Son, fighting spirit, golf cart, greatest act, homeopathic, hydro-exercise, lean meat, leg brace, Mormon faith, multiple sclerosis, never complained, no caffinated beverages, no casein, no drinking, no gluten, no smoking, nutrition, osmonds second generation, protein, refined flour, spouse, steroids, sugar, Suzanne Osmond, symptons, The Osmond Family, the show must go on, the whole family, unconditional love, viris, wheelchair, Winning | 2 Comments

Growing up Osmond comes with certain expectations: You sing, you dance and no matter what, the show must go on.

This has never been a problem for David Osmond, one of eight sons of Alan Osmond, the oldest of the famous brothers who shot to fame in the 1960s and ’70s. David, 32, continued the family’s pop legacy as the lead singer for Osmonds Second Generation, competed on American Idol in 2009 and released a solo album in 2010.

But just seven years ago David’s career — and life — were suddenly in jeopardy: He could not sing, play guitar or even walk because of pain in his chest and paralysis stretching from his toes to his diaphragm. Multiple sclerosis was soon diagnosed, just as it had been in his father 20 years earlier when he was in his late 30s. (Siblings or children of people with MS have a 1 in 40 risk of also contracting the disease, according to the National Multiple Sclerosis Society.)

“When I originally received the diagnosis,” David tells me, “I had already tested positive for West Nile virus, but some of the symptoms did not match up. So they tested me for MS and found I had the disease. My doctors believe it may have been dormant in my system, but was triggered by the virus.”

Affecting 2.5 million people worldwide, MS is an autoimmune disease that attacks the central nervous system. It interferes with the transmission of signals to the brain and spinal cord, triggering unpredictable and often debilitating symptoms. MS can cause numbness, tingling and searing pain in the extremities; periods of partial or full blindness; loss of sensory function, like taste or smell; and even paralysis. The cause is not clear and there is no cure, but the effectiveness of long-term drug treatments has improved.

MS affects every patient differently. Most, like David, experience flare-ups that can vary in length and severity, followed by periods of remission with few or no symptoms. “It’s like a roller coaster,” David has said. His father, however, is among the 15 percent of MS patients who have the progressive form of the disease, marked by a slow degeneration of the body’s functions.

At first, David was devastated by the diagnosis. “I was in complete denial,” he admits. Sitting in a wheelchair in 2005, watching his brother’s children playing with their dad, he wondered, “Will I ever have that?”

But now, David says, “I’m almost embarrassed to admit that is how I felt, because when I looked from my brother and my nieces and nephews to my dad, I realized, here is this man who has lived with MS for 20 years — and he has never complained. I realized that life can go on and you can find ways around this disease, just like my dad did.”

(MORE: Multiple Sclerosis: Increasing Quality of Life)

Both father and son have learned to live with MS and deal with its inherent obstacles and dire prognosis. Powerful steroid shots helped David get out of his wheelchair four years ago, enabling him to walk down the aisle with his bride, Valerie, at their wedding. (They began dating before his diagnosis.) “I proposed to her from my wheelchair and she said yes,” he says, “so being able to walk down the aisle with her was something I just knew I had to do.”

David still experiences some pain in his legs, but he has not been back in his wheelchair. He and Valerie now have two daughters, ages 1 and 3.

“I know it’s crazy to say, but it is actually a great time to have MS,” says David, who sits on the board of the Nancy Davis Foundation for MS. (See footage of David and other stars at the foundation’s Race to Erase MS gala.) “The numerous choices we now have to attack this disease that is attacking our bodies are encouraging. I truly think MS is one of the chronic illnesses that may be cured in my lifetime.”

Counting on Nutrition and Family

Part of the Osmonds’ approach to battling MS is an embrace of homeopathic remedies, like aromatherapy. “I was given a cortisone shot when I was first diagnosed in 1987,” Alan says, “and it just about killed me. It was right then that I decided there has to be a better way and I started investigating alternative medicines.”

The Osmonds do not take traditional MS drugs but they do support research into better treatments for the disease. For themselves, though, they believe all-natural treatments and diet choices represent their best chance to keep the disease at bay. Both men follow healthy, all-natural diets that include no gluten (which is found in wheat-based products), no casein (milk protein), no sugar and no refined flour; Alan combines fruits and vegetables in his blender for most meals. They occasionally eat lean meat but prefer to get their protein from omega-3-rich fish. Further, Alan takes a variety of all-natural dietary supplements, including Vitamin D, each day; David takes up to 50 daily supplements. In keeping with the tenets of their Mormon faith, neither man smokes or drinks coffee or caffeinated beverages.

Overall, each man says he has worked to educate himself about MS and has tried various approaches to discover what works best for his own body. Each encourages other MS patients to do the same.

Alan credits his wife, Suzanne, with pointing him toward the alternative treatments that have allowed him, so far, to defy the odds of his grim prognosis. His doctors expected he’d be in a wheelchair by now, but he generally walks without assistance, only occasionally employing a leg brace or golf cart. Alan also participates in hydro-exercise; the buoyancy of the water, he says, takes the pressure off his often-painful joints and helps him maintain balance while going through his exercises.

Both Osmonds believe the unconditional love of a spouse is essential for anyone facing a chronic illness. “It is not just one person who gets MS,” Alan says. “It is the whole family. You have to have the drive and desire to keep living and keep fighting for yourself and those around you.”

Their thriving marriages defy the odds: According to a National Health Institute Survey conducted by the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 75 percent of marriages in which one spouse has a chronic illness end in divorce — a rate 50 percent higher than for other marriages.

“Sometimes dealing with something like multiple sclerosis can make your marriage better,” David says. “I know both my wife and I have learned more patience with each other through this journey and I absolutely would not be where I am at today in conquering MS without her.”

As we wound up our interview, David’s girls were calling to him from the next room, eager to get back to playing Legos and watching Disney movies with their dad, experiences that, a few years ago, he was not sure he would ever be able to share. Later, I saw this tweet from David: “Going to make t-shirts for my girls that say ‘Having MS gets on my dad’s nerves.’”

Sherri Snelling’s book on celebrity caregivers, A Cast of Caregivers, will be published by Balboa Press in January 2013.

By Alan on Mar 07 in Blog tagged abusive, attraction, beliefs, casual, dating, differences, end of relationship, Family, friend, happy, interests, kindness, looking, love, marriage, men, navigating, partner, physical abuse, Proclamation To The World, romantic, serious, shy, single, smiling, spouse, talk, uncomfortable, unhealthy dating, violence, women | Comments Off

The Family: A Proclamation to the World teaches us that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God… Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan” (¶1, 7). Most young adults have a desire to marry and one day have a family of their own. However, the process of dating and seeking a marriage partner can be daunting, and sometimes finding your spouse can seem an impossible task. Don’t give up hope! It is possible to successfully navigate the wilderness of the dating world and make it to the promised land.

Enjoy Being Single

Sometimes singles become too focused on their goal of marriage, and they don’t enjoy their years on their own. While marriage is a righteous goal to be sought after, we should take time to enjoy our journey to reach the goal. Our years as a single can be meaningful and happy ones. You may be familiar with the counsel to become the kind of person you want to marry. In this way, you will attract that sort of person to you. Your time as a single can be a time of personal development and enrichment. Some of the most important areas in which to develop include our emotional and mental health, our self esteem, and our ability to control our impulses (Holman, Larson, & Stahmann, 2000).  Remember that we do not need to be perfect in order to have a happy life and a strong marriage. If we are aware of these areas and striving to be our best, that is enough. We should remember that we are worthy of love, and that other people are usually accepting and approachable (Holmes & Johnson, 2009). Taking this perspective will help us build healthy friendships and relationships with others in our lives, a valuable skill that is crucial to life beyond just the dating world.

What to Look For

While the idea of a soul mate is a romantic one, there is not one perfect person out there waiting for you to find him or her. Each of us probably has numerous people in the world with whom we would be very happy. None of them will be our perfect match. Some compromise is inherent in all dating. It is important that we remember this; if we focus too much on finding our perfect soul mate, we may be quicker to write off a dating relationship when conflict arises, instead of trying to work things out (Hall, 2006).

Instead of looking for a soul mate, we should look for someone similar to us in background, values, attitudes, and beliefs about marriage. Research has shown that couples who are similar in these areas tend to have higher marital quality and stability (Holman & Larson, 1994). These areas are key to a person’s identity, which means that when a couple differs in these ways, compromise becomes difficult. When you and your partner are similar in these ways, you will be able to understand one another better because you are coming from the same perspective.

With that said, realize that differences are not necessarily a bad thing. No one is exactly like you, so you shouldn’t be looking for your exact clone. There will definitely be some differences between you and your partner. Remember that compatibility is not just about sameness, but also about complementarity. The Proclamation reminds us that some differences between men and women are built into the divine design of marriage and family stewardships.

While you are searching for your mate, remember that no one is perfect. Be careful not to keep a laundry list of required traits that your mate must have. While there are some things you should not compromise on, such as shared values or kindness, you can be more flexible with other things, like whether someone has your exact taste in movies, whether they are a certain build or have a certain hair color, or whether someone is a master chef.

Initial Attraction

Sometimes the most difficult part of dating is finding someone who you are attracted to and who is attracted to you as well. Attending social events such as dances, parties or singles religious activities can be a way of meeting other singles. How do you catch someone’s attention? Start by being friendly. Eye contact, a big smile and a confident posture (no slouching!) can make you look more approachable (Cunningham & Barbee, 2010).

Don’t be afraid to approach someone you are attracted to. You don’t need a first class opening line to talk to someone. A simple “Hello” is often more effective than a cheesy pick-up line (Cunningham & Barbee, 2010).

How do you tell if someone is interested in you? Some signs you might notice include someone leaning towards you, smiling, making and keeping eye contact, staying near to you, orienting his or her body towards you, and frequent gesturing (Afifi & Lucas, 2010).  Often people have a pessimistic outlook when trying to judge another’s interest. That is, Mike may be too scared of rejection to ask Sally for a date, even though he is interested in her. Meanwhile, Sally assumes Mike must not be interested since he is not asking her, never stopping to think that maybe he is afraid. What is the solution for this? Choose not to let your fear hold you back. You may face rejection, but you may also find that your potential date has been anxiously awaiting you to ask her or him out. You won’t know until you try. Ladies, remember, we live in a time where we are allowed to do the asking too.

If you are shy, the process of attracting someone, approaching him or her, and figuring out whether or not there is mutual interest, may sound like a difficult process to go through. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help. Set-ups and blind dates are a great way to skip the stress of finding someone and go straight to a date|just be sure you trust the person setting you up. At social events like parties or dances, consider going with a more social friend, who can act as a bridge for you to meet others, by being the one to start conversations with those you meet.

Casual Dating

The dating climate of today may be different from the climate our parents and grandparents faced. Some modern researchers have argued that hanging out has replaced dating, making dating obsolete (Colllins & van Dulmen, 2006). However, dating is a valuable way for teens and adults to come to know someone on a more personal level. Dating can also help you develop a better idea of the traits you want in a future spouse (although those with limited opportunity to date can still make a wise mate selection).

Consider dating to build friendships and have fun, instead of focusing just on finding someone to marry. Casual dating allows dates to be laidback and fun, without commitment attached from the get go. Seeking friendship first results in lower pressure in your dating experience. When you are more relaxed, it is easier to be yourself, have fun, and get to know the other person better. Friendship dating may also lower your chance of facing heartbreak and disappointment, since you are not quickly becoming emotionally involved (McLaughlin, 2007).  A romantic relationship may evolve from friendship dating, and its base of friendship may be stronger than a relationship built only on mutual attraction (Barelds and Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007).

Although you decide to date casually, you may still encounter pressure from parents, friends, or even your dates to define your relationships early on, instead of keeping things casual. You cannot control the reactions of people around you, but that does not mean you should avoid casual dating. As with other areas in your life, in dating just do the best you can, even if at times it goes against the norms of modern society.

The Decision to Become Serious

So you have been dating for a little while, and you are wondering whether or not to get serious. How can you know when you are really in love? Noller describes the difference between immature love and mature love (as cited in Holman et al, 2000).

Immature love is possessive, easily provoked to jealousy, and anxious that the relationship might end. A person experiencing immature love may be obsessed with his or her partner. Immature love includes a belief that love is something beyond your control; an external force like Cupid’s arrow causes love. Immature love is selfish and focused on satisfying one’s own needs.

In contrast, mature love involves a lasting passion, a strong desire for companionship, and contentment with the relationship. A person experiencing mature love knows it is something you must decide. Mature love means commitment, trust, sharing, and sacrifice. It allows space for a partner to grow and change.

Unhealthy Dating

While we should not have unrealistic expectations for our future spouses, we should also be careful not to settle for an unhealthy relationship. Below are signs of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse in a relationship. If your relationship has some of these characteristics, you should seriously consider ending the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who values you and treats you with respect.

Emotional and Psychological Abuse

Saltzman, Fanslow, McMahon, and Shelley (2002) give the following list of behaviors which constitute emotional and psychological abuse:

[H]umiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources (p. 61).

This list is not comprehensive. Your partner may do or say other things that hurt you psychologically or emotionally. The important thing is to notice how the way you are treated makes you feel.

Domestic Violence

Domestic violence involves “the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing death, disability, injury, or harm” (Saltzman et al., 2002, p. 35). Any physical force can qualify as domestic violence, but some examples of violent behaviors include:

[S]cratching, pushing, shoving, throwing, grabbing, biting, choking, shaking, poking, hair-pulling,

slapping, punching, hitting, burning, use of a weapon (gun, knife, or other object), and use of

restraints or one’s body, size, or strength against another person (p. 35).

Some potential warning signs that violence can occur later on include extreme jealousy, controlling behavior, or verbal threats (Choose Respect). If you notice these in your relationship, you might be wise to end it now before things escalate into a worse situation.

If you are in an abusive relationship, you should know that many resources exist to help you:

• The National Domestic Violence hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) anytime day or night, 365 days a year. The hotline also has a helpful website at http://www.ndvh.org. This website features a red panic button that automatically directs you to a non-related page at a moment’s notice. In this way, you can protect yourself if your partner walks in while you are visiting the site.

• The Center for Disease Control offers information on intimate partner violence and prevention here.

When a Relationship Ends

If you are the one ending the relationship, remember to be gentle and kind when you do so. Holman et al. (2000) recommend bringing up the subject with kindness, meekness, and love. They also recommend being clear that the relationship is ending, so your partner is not confused or left with false hopes.

If your partner initiates the breakup, take care not to try to force him or her to keep dating you (Holman et al., 2000). Be respectful and allow the relationship to end. Breakups hurt, but don’t lash out and take out your hurt on your ex (Holman et al., 2000).

After the breakup, give yourself time to heal. You may find it helpful to vent your feelings to a friend or family member. Journal writing can also be helpful. Young adults often rely on media (like music, movies, and television shows) to help them process and reflect on their breakups (Hebert & Popadiuk, 2008).

While this isn’t necessarily bad, be careful what media you consume|it may prolong your sadness if you fill your days with depressive media.

Immediately after a breakup, you may find it painful to contemplate dating someone else in the future. Or perhaps you feel that you will not meet another potential mate.  Give yourself time to heal from the breakup. How much time you need will vary from person to person. But realize that someday, you will meet someone new. This was not your one and only chance for love. An optimistic attitude that you can find someone else will help you move on (Spielmann, MacDonald, & Wilson, 2009).

Dating can seem a daunting task at times, but never give up! Enjoy your time as a single. Enjoy dating, and consider friendship dating to take off some of the pressure. Do what you can to seek dating success, and don’t worry about the rest. Dating can be a fun experience rather than a stressful one, if you choose to make it so.

Written by Shelece McAllister, Research Assistant, and edited by Jason S. Carroll and Stephen F. Duncan, professors in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.

Forever Families
References
For The Family