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By Alan on Apr 18 in Blog tagged attack, body, commandments, eternity, Father, female, forgiveness, gender, Glory of God, God's plan, heritage, House of the Lord, Jesus Christ, male, marriage, mother, priesthood, proclamation, Proclamation To The World, responsible, selfishness, sexual purity, society, spirit, Strengthen, temple, The Family, together, transgression, under attack, warning, work | 1 Comment
By admin on Nov 12 in Blog tagged accountable, activities, baby, care for children, commandments of God, daughter, Family, Father, God, grandma, grandpa, Heavenly Father, husband and wife, LDS, light and truth, love, mother, obligations, Proclamation To The World, righteousness, sacred duty, Son, The Family, The Plan of Life | 9 Comments
By Alan on Oct 07 in Blog tagged eternal increase, eternity, Joseph Smith, LDS Temple Marriage is forever, mormon Temles, Plan of Life, Proclamation To The World, rlijah, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, The Family, the prophet, three degrees in heaven, turn the hearts of the fathers to the children | Comments Off
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By Alan on Mar 11 in Blog tagged babes, children, compassion, faith, Family, forgiveness, Jesus Christ, LDS, Letters, Lord, love, out of the mouths, prayer, principles, Proclamation To The World, repentance, respect, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to God, wholesome recreational activities, work | 2 Comments
Being part of a family is a great blessing. Yor family can provide you with companiionship and happiness, help you learn correct principles in a loving atmosphere, and help you prepare for eternal life. Not all families are the same, but each is important in Heavenly Father’s plan.
Do your part to build a happy home. Be cheerful, helpful, and considerate of others. Many problems in the home are created because family members speak and act selfishly or unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of other family members. Seek to be a peacemaker rather than to tease, fight, and quarel. Remember that the family is the most sacred unit of the Church.
Honor your parents by showing love and respect for them and by being obedient. Be willing to help in the home with chores that need to be done. Participate in family activities and traditions, including family prayer, family home evenings, and family scripture reading. These traditions strengthen and unify families. Set a good example for other family members.
Strengthen your relationships with your brothers and sisters. They can become your closest friends. Support them in their interests and help them with problems they may be facing.
For The Strength of Youth
For The Family
By Alan on Mar 07 in Blog tagged abusive, attraction, beliefs, casual, dating, differences, end of relationship, Family, friend, happy, interests, kindness, looking, love, marriage, men, navigating, partner, physical abuse, Proclamation To The World, romantic, serious, shy, single, smiling, spouse, talk, uncomfortable, unhealthy dating, violence, women | Comments Off
Enjoy Being Single
Sometimes singles become too focused on their goal of marriage, and they don’t enjoy their years on their own. While marriage is a righteous goal to be sought after, we should take time to enjoy our journey to reach the goal. Our years as a single can be meaningful and happy ones. You may be familiar with the counsel to become the kind of person you want to marry. In this way, you will attract that sort of person to you. Your time as a single can be a time of personal development and enrichment. Some of the most important areas in which to develop include our emotional and mental health, our self esteem, and our ability to control our impulses (Holman, Larson, & Stahmann, 2000). Remember that we do not need to be perfect in order to have a happy life and a strong marriage. If we are aware of these areas and striving to be our best, that is enough. We should remember that we are worthy of love, and that other people are usually accepting and approachable (Holmes & Johnson, 2009). Taking this perspective will help us build healthy friendships and relationships with others in our lives, a valuable skill that is crucial to life beyond just the dating world.
What to Look For
While the idea of a soul mate is a romantic one, there is not one perfect person out there waiting for you to find him or her. Each of us probably has numerous people in the world with whom we would be very happy. None of them will be our perfect match. Some compromise is inherent in all dating. It is important that we remember this; if we focus too much on finding our perfect soul mate, we may be quicker to write off a dating relationship when conflict arises, instead of trying to work things out (Hall, 2006).
Instead of looking for a soul mate, we should look for someone similar to us in background, values, attitudes, and beliefs about marriage. Research has shown that couples who are similar in these areas tend to have higher marital quality and stability (Holman & Larson, 1994). These areas are key to a person’s identity, which means that when a couple differs in these ways, compromise becomes difficult. When you and your partner are similar in these ways, you will be able to understand one another better because you are coming from the same perspective.
With that said, realize that differences are not necessarily a bad thing. No one is exactly like you, so you shouldn’t be looking for your exact clone. There will definitely be some differences between you and your partner. Remember that compatibility is not just about sameness, but also about complementarity. The Proclamation reminds us that some differences between men and women are built into the divine design of marriage and family stewardships.
While you are searching for your mate, remember that no one is perfect. Be careful not to keep a laundry list of required traits that your mate must have. While there are some things you should not compromise on, such as shared values or kindness, you can be more flexible with other things, like whether someone has your exact taste in movies, whether they are a certain build or have a certain hair color, or whether someone is a master chef.
Sometimes the most difficult part of dating is finding someone who you are attracted to and who is attracted to you as well. Attending social events such as dances, parties or singles religious activities can be a way of meeting other singles. How do you catch someone’s attention? Start by being friendly. Eye contact, a big smile and a confident posture (no slouching!) can make you look more approachable (Cunningham & Barbee, 2010).
Don’t be afraid to approach someone you are attracted to. You don’t need a first class opening line to talk to someone. A simple “Hello” is often more effective than a cheesy pick-up line (Cunningham & Barbee, 2010).
How do you tell if someone is interested in you? Some signs you might notice include someone leaning towards you, smiling, making and keeping eye contact, staying near to you, orienting his or her body towards you, and frequent gesturing (Afifi & Lucas, 2010). Often people have a pessimistic outlook when trying to judge another’s interest. That is, Mike may be too scared of rejection to ask Sally for a date, even though he is interested in her. Meanwhile, Sally assumes Mike must not be interested since he is not asking her, never stopping to think that maybe he is afraid. What is the solution for this? Choose not to let your fear hold you back. You may face rejection, but you may also find that your potential date has been anxiously awaiting you to ask her or him out. You won’t know until you try. Ladies, remember, we live in a time where we are allowed to do the asking too.
If you are shy, the process of attracting someone, approaching him or her, and figuring out whether or not there is mutual interest, may sound like a difficult process to go through. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help. Set-ups and blind dates are a great way to skip the stress of finding someone and go straight to a date|just be sure you trust the person setting you up. At social events like parties or dances, consider going with a more social friend, who can act as a bridge for you to meet others, by being the one to start conversations with those you meet.
The dating climate of today may be different from the climate our parents and grandparents faced. Some modern researchers have argued that hanging out has replaced dating, making dating obsolete (Colllins & van Dulmen, 2006). However, dating is a valuable way for teens and adults to come to know someone on a more personal level. Dating can also help you develop a better idea of the traits you want in a future spouse (although those with limited opportunity to date can still make a wise mate selection).
Consider dating to build friendships and have fun, instead of focusing just on finding someone to marry. Casual dating allows dates to be laidback and fun, without commitment attached from the get go. Seeking friendship first results in lower pressure in your dating experience. When you are more relaxed, it is easier to be yourself, have fun, and get to know the other person better. Friendship dating may also lower your chance of facing heartbreak and disappointment, since you are not quickly becoming emotionally involved (McLaughlin, 2007). A romantic relationship may evolve from friendship dating, and its base of friendship may be stronger than a relationship built only on mutual attraction (Barelds and Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007).
Although you decide to date casually, you may still encounter pressure from parents, friends, or even your dates to define your relationships early on, instead of keeping things casual. You cannot control the reactions of people around you, but that does not mean you should avoid casual dating. As with other areas in your life, in dating just do the best you can, even if at times it goes against the norms of modern society.
The Decision to Become Serious
So you have been dating for a little while, and you are wondering whether or not to get serious. How can you know when you are really in love? Noller describes the difference between immature love and mature love (as cited in Holman et al, 2000).
Immature love is possessive, easily provoked to jealousy, and anxious that the relationship might end. A person experiencing immature love may be obsessed with his or her partner. Immature love includes a belief that love is something beyond your control; an external force like Cupid’s arrow causes love. Immature love is selfish and focused on satisfying one’s own needs.
In contrast, mature love involves a lasting passion, a strong desire for companionship, and contentment with the relationship. A person experiencing mature love knows it is something you must decide. Mature love means commitment, trust, sharing, and sacrifice. It allows space for a partner to grow and change.
While we should not have unrealistic expectations for our future spouses, we should also be careful not to settle for an unhealthy relationship. Below are signs of emotional, psychological, and physical abuse in a relationship. If your relationship has some of these characteristics, you should seriously consider ending the relationship. You deserve to be with someone who values you and treats you with respect.
Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Saltzman, Fanslow, McMahon, and Shelley (2002) give the following list of behaviors which constitute emotional and psychological abuse:
[H]umiliating the victim, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, and denying the victim access to money or other basic resources (p. 61).
This list is not comprehensive. Your partner may do or say other things that hurt you psychologically or emotionally. The important thing is to notice how the way you are treated makes you feel.
Domestic violence involves “the intentional use of physical force with the potential for causing death, disability, injury, or harm” (Saltzman et al., 2002, p. 35). Any physical force can qualify as domestic violence, but some examples of violent behaviors include:
[S]cratching, pushing, shoving, throwing, grabbing, biting, choking, shaking, poking, hair-pulling,
slapping, punching, hitting, burning, use of a weapon (gun, knife, or other object), and use of
restraints or one’s body, size, or strength against another person (p. 35).
Some potential warning signs that violence can occur later on include extreme jealousy, controlling behavior, or verbal threats (Choose Respect). If you notice these in your relationship, you might be wise to end it now before things escalate into a worse situation.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you should know that many resources exist to help you:
When a Relationship Ends
If you are the one ending the relationship, remember to be gentle and kind when you do so. Holman et al. (2000) recommend bringing up the subject with kindness, meekness, and love. They also recommend being clear that the relationship is ending, so your partner is not confused or left with false hopes.
If your partner initiates the breakup, take care not to try to force him or her to keep dating you (Holman et al., 2000). Be respectful and allow the relationship to end. Breakups hurt, but don’t lash out and take out your hurt on your ex (Holman et al., 2000).
After the breakup, give yourself time to heal. You may find it helpful to vent your feelings to a friend or family member. Journal writing can also be helpful. Young adults often rely on media (like music, movies, and television shows) to help them process and reflect on their breakups (Hebert & Popadiuk, 2008).
While this isn’t necessarily bad, be careful what media you consume|it may prolong your sadness if you fill your days with depressive media.
Immediately after a breakup, you may find it painful to contemplate dating someone else in the future. Or perhaps you feel that you will not meet another potential mate. Give yourself time to heal from the breakup. How much time you need will vary from person to person. But realize that someday, you will meet someone new. This was not your one and only chance for love. An optimistic attitude that you can find someone else will help you move on (Spielmann, MacDonald, & Wilson, 2009).
Dating can seem a daunting task at times, but never give up! Enjoy your time as a single. Enjoy dating, and consider friendship dating to take off some of the pressure. Do what you can to seek dating success, and don’t worry about the rest. Dating can be a fun experience rather than a stressful one, if you choose to make it so.
Written by Shelece McAllister, Research Assistant, and edited by Jason S. Carroll and Stephen F. Duncan, professors in the School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
By Alan on Feb 27 in Blog tagged Apostle, declining, destroy, Family, first, God, grandparents, M. Russell Ballard, misplaced, parents, priorities, Proclamation To The World, sacred, society, tolerance, values | 1 Comment
Public opinion surveys indicate that people everywhere in the world generally consider the family as the highest priority; yet in recent years the broader culture seems to ignore or misdefine the family. Consider some of the changes of the past decade:
And yet most parents throughout the world continue to know both the importance and the joy that are attached to natural families. Friends of mine who just returned from speaking to families and parents on several continents reported to me that the hopes and concerns of parents are remarkably similar throughout the earth.
In India a concerned Hindu mother said, “All I want is to be a bigger influence on my children than the media and the peer group.” And a Buddhist mother in Malaysia said, “I’d like my boys to be able to operate in the world, but I don’t want them to be of the world.” Parents from all different cultures and faiths are saying and feeling the same things we are as parents in the Church.
The world needs to know what the proclamation teaches, because the family is the basic unit of society, of the economy, of our culture, and of our government. And as Latter-day Saints know, the family will also be the basic unit in the celestial kingdom.
In the Church, our belief in the overriding importance of families is rooted in restored doctrine. We know of the sanctity of families in both directions of our eternal existence. We know that before this life we lived with our Heavenly Father as part of His family, and we know that family relationships can endure beyond death.
If we live and act upon this knowledge, we will attract the world to us. Parents who place a high priority on their families will gravitate to the Church because it offers the family structure, values, doctrine, and eternal perspective that they seek and cannot find elsewhere.
Our family-centered perspective should make Latter-day Saints strive to be the best parents in the world. It should give us enormous respect for our children, who truly are our spiritual siblings, and it should cause us to devote whatever time is necessary to strengthen our families. Indeed, nothing is more critically connected to happiness—both our own and that of our children—than how well we love and support one another within the family.
President Harold B. Lee spoke of the Church as a crucial “scaffolding” that helps build the individual and the family (see Conference Report, Oct. 1967, 107). The Church is the kingdom of God on earth, but in the kingdom of heaven, families will be both the source of our eternal progress and joy and the order of our Heavenly Father. As we are often reminded, we will be released one day from our Church callings; but if we are worthy, we will never be released from our family relationships.
Now, one may ask, How do we protect and preserve and strengthen our homes and families in a world pulling so hard in opposite directions? Let me make three simple suggestions:
We call upon government and political leaders to put the needs of children and parents first and to think in terms of family impact in all legislation and policy making.
We call upon Internet providers and Web site creators to become more responsible regarding their potential for influence and to adopt the conscious objective of protecting children from violence, pornography, filth, and sleaze.
We call upon educational entities to teach universal values and family and parenting skills, supporting parents in their responsibility to raise children to become the leaders of families in generations yet to come.
It is important to remember that all larger units of society depend on the smallest and most fundamental unit, the family. No matter who or what we are, we help ourselves when we help families.