By Alan on Sep 12 in Blog tagged America, beliefs, christianity, David Barton, founding fathers, God, hide, Jesus Christ, lie, media, not taught, press, religion, school, U.S. Capitol | Comments Off

NOT TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS

Christian Expression In America

What’s wrong with our schools?

Why won’t they tell our children about how America was really founded?

These truths have been held back and not taught.  Are we embarrassed about God?

We have taken Christianity and religion out of our children’s lives.

We have forgotten our Creator, our God!

Will God forget about us?

Robert Butts
For The Family

By Alan on May 18 in Blog tagged act immorally, adversary, agency, Apostle, Atonement is like an eraser, be clean, Bod K. Packer, cheat, choose, communication with Heavenly Father, enemy territory, entertainment, entitlement, gender, guilt, Holy Ghost, How to survive in enemy territory, in homes, infiltrated the world, influence of God, Jesus Christ, language, lie, pain, parents, pornography, prayer, pre-marital sex, righteousness, same-sex marriage, scriptures daily, self-control, self-dicipline, spirit, steal, tatoos, teasing, temptation, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the media, think a prayer | Comments Off

How To Survive In Enemy Territory

You are growing up in enemy territory. When you become mature spiritually, you will understand how the adversary has infiltrated the world around you. He is in homes, entertainment, the media, language — everything around you. In most cases, his presence is undetected. Pornography is just one example.

There are things that are the most desirable and of the most worth that youth can do to stay strong, even in enemy territory.

For young men and young women the process is the same.  Discovering how the Holy Ghost operates in your life is the quest of a lifetime. Once you have made that discovery for yourself, you can live in enemy territory and will not be deceived or destroyed. No one will ever make a serious mistake without first being warned by the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

It is through using the Holy Ghost as a guide and protective influence that individuals are able to do good and stay away from harm.

You can quickly learn to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  This power of revelation from the gift of the Holy Ghost operates on principles of righteousness.

The important role of righteousness is in keeping the lines of communication with the Spirit open.

You cannot lie or cheat or steal or act immorally and have those channels remain free from disruption.  Do not go where the environment resists spiritual communication. You must learn to seek the power and direction that is available to you, and then follow that course no matter what.

Here is a “to do” list for the youth with things individuals can do in their lives to have the direction of the Spirit.

Prayer

Most of the time, your prayers will be silent.

“You can think a prayer.”

Parents and teachers are oftentimes concerned about the day that their children or youth are left on their own. It is through understanding that the influence of God is always there, that youth are able to have extra strength in their lives.

Sometimes it is hard for young people to confide in their parents.  You can always have a direct line of communication with your Father in Heaven. Do not allow the adversary to convince you that no one is listening on the other end. Your prayers are always heard. You are never alone!

Be clean

Part of being clean is following the Word of Wisdom (no smoking, tea or coffee, drugs or stimulants) and taking care of one’s own body.  It does not promise perfect health but that the spiritual receptors within you might be strengthened.  Stay away from tattoos and similar things which deface your body. Do not do that which would dishonor yourself, your parents, or your Father in Heaven. Your body was created in His image.

Unworthy people can be uncomfortable in the presence of someone who is virtuous.  You must not be embarrassed by the teasing they might get from others around them because, in the end, many will understand and respect them for their values.

Another important topic is that gender is set in the pre-mortal world.

You always have a choice to follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost and live a morally pure and chaste life, one filled with virtue.  If you try to uphold and defend and live in a so-called pre-marital or same-sex marriage situation, God will not stand idle if you indulge in immoral activity.  To permit such would be to make light of the very serious and sacred foundation of God-sanctioned marriage and its very purpose, the rearing of families.

Just as Adam and Eve had the ability to choose for themselves, so do individuals today.

You have that same agency.  Use it wisely to deny acting on any impure impulse or unholy temptation that may come into your mind. Just do not go there, and if you are already there, come back out of it. ‘Deny yourselves of all ungodliness.’

Do not tamper with the life-giving powers in your body alone or with members of either gender. That is God’s standard, and it will not change. As you mature, there is a temptation to experiment or explore immoral activities. Do not do that!

Are you are doing all in your power to overcome immoral conduct, however difficult that may be?

The key word is discipline — self discipline.  The word ‘discipline’ comes from the word ‘disciple’ or follower. Be a disciple/follower of the Savior, and you will be safe.”

If you are guilty of serious mistakes, it is “never too late, as you probably have been taught at home and in church about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

The Atonement is like an eraser.  It can wipe away guilt and the effect of whatever it is that is causing you to feel guilty.  Guilt is spiritual pain. Do not suffer from chronic pain. Get rid of it. Be done with it. Repent, and, if necessary, repent again and again and again until you — not the enemy — are in charge of you.

Because life is a succession of trials and errors, it is important for all to repent often.

This will bring you lasting peace that cannot be purchased at any earthly price. Understanding the Atonement may be the one most important truth that you can learn in your youth.

If you are associating with others who drag you down instead of building you up, stop and change company. You may be alone and lonely at times. The important question may be asked then, ‘When you are alone, are you in good company?’ If you are doing something that you know is wrong, stop it. Stop it now.

Unwinding a habit that you have allowed to entangle you can be difficult. But the power is in you. Do not despair.

It is through choosing to repent that individuals are able to receive a testimony and know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true.

You are not ordinary. You have a very special life. You are exceptional.  You were born at a time and in a place where the gospel of Jesus Christ can come into your life through the teachings and activities in your home and the Church.

It is through doing what one knows to be right that individuals will bless their own lives, as well as their posterity.

Do not squander these years of your youth and religious instruction.  Learn that which is of most worth. It will bless you and your posterity for many generations.”

We warn the youth about entitlement.

They expect that everything will be freely provided for them.  If that pattern is in your thinking, get rid of it. If you want to be happy, you must pay the price through obedience. The restraints that you face against wrongdoing are an enormous protection for you.

Once individuals have self-control in their lives, they will not need to be told what to do all of the time, and will find their way and know where they fit in.

Some of you are floundering about and struggling to find what you will do.  It does not really matter what you choose to do for a living. What matters most is what and who you will be. You have the guidelines to know that. Remember, the Spirit is always with you to teach you. Do not fear the future.  Do not fear what is ahead. Go forward with hope and faith. Remember that supernal gift of the Holy Ghost. Learn to be taught by it. Learn to seek it. Learn to live by it. Learn to pray always in the name of Jesus Christ. The Spirit of the Lord will attend you, and you will be blessed. We have deep and profound faith in you.

The most important ‘great things’ are the great things that have happened in the lives of millions of students over the years as they have been willing to do some small things. Small things like attending class and studying the scriptures daily and then living the principles of the gospel in their daily lives. As they have done these small things, great things have been brought to pass in their lives.

From a talk by President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of  the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as he spoke to the youth of the Church.

“We invest in our youth. We know of your worth and potential. I speak as one who has seen the past and would prepare you for the future.”

By Marianne Holman
Deseret News Publishing Company
For The Family

By Alan on May 05 in Blog tagged a look, a principle, actions, become like Jesus, belongs to someone else, cheat, cheat employers, comletely honest, copyright, deceive, deed, dishonest, every thought, everyone else does it, excuses, father of lies, gesture, get even, honesty, inferior service, Jesus Christ, justice, lie, more than our share, of salvation, overcome, Satan, scriptures, silence, steal, taking merchandise, temptation, tempted, truth, unfair advantage, without permission, words | Comments Off

To Lie Is Dishonest

We are going to discuss three forms of dishonesty: lying, stealing, and cheating. 

Lying is intentionally deceiving others. Bearing false witness is one form of lying. The Lord gave this commandment to the children of Israel: “Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour” (Exodus 20:16). Jesus also taught this when He was on earth (see Matthew 19:18). There are many other forms of lying. When we speak untruths, we are guilty of lying. We can also intentionally deceive others by a gesture or a look, by silence, or by telling only part of the truth. Whenever we lead people in any way to believe something that is not true, we are not being honest.

The Lord is not pleased with such dishonesty, and we will have to account for our lies. Satan would have us believe it is all right to lie. He says, “Yea, lie a little; … there is no harm in this” (2 Nephi 28:8). Satan encourages us to justify our lies to ourselves. Honest people will recognize Satan’s temptations and will speak the whole truth, even if it seems to be to their disadvantage.

To Steal Is Dishonest

Jesus taught, “Thou shalt not steal” (Matthew 19:18). Stealing is taking something that does not belong to us. When we take what belongs to someone else or to a store or to the community without permission, we are stealing. Taking merchandise or supplies from an employer is stealing. Copying music, movies, pictures, or written text without the permission of the copyright owners is dishonest and is a form of theft. Accepting more change or goods than one should is dishonest. Taking more than our share of anything is stealing.

To Cheat Is Dishonest

We cheat when we give less than we owe, or when we get something we do not deserve. Some employees cheat their employers by not working their full time; yet they accept full pay. Some employers are not fair to their employees; they pay them less than they should. Satan says, “Take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor” (2 Nephi 28:8). Taking unfair advantage is a form of dishonesty. Providing inferior service or merchandise is cheating.

We Must Not Excuse Our Dishonesty

People use many excuses for being dishonest. People lie to protect themselves and to have others think well of them. Some excuse themselves for stealing, thinking they deserve what they took, intend to return it, or need it more than the owner. Some cheat to get better grades in school or because “everyone else does it” or to get even.

These excuses and many more are given as reasons for dishonesty. To the Lord, there are no acceptable reasons. When we excuse ourselves, we cheat ourselves and the Spirit of God ceases to be with us. We become more and more unrighteous.

We Can Be Completely Honest

To become completely honest, we must look carefully at our lives. If there are ways in which we are being even the least bit dishonest, we should repent of them immediately.

When we are completely honest, we cannot be corrupted. We are true to every trust, duty, agreement, or covenant, even if it costs us money, friends, or our lives. Then we can face the Lord, ourselves, and others without shame. President Joseph F. Smith counseled, “Let every man’s life be so that his character will bear the closest inspection, and that it may be seen as an open book, so that he will have nothing to shrink from or be ashamed of”.

By Alan on Apr 28 in Blog tagged cheat, compliment, damaged relationships, Family, follow the crowd, Holy Ghost, honest in every way, hurt ourselves, in the eyes of God, it is greater, lie, lose the guidance, neglect, no longer trust, noble attribute, peace of mind, self-respect, steal, strength of character, ten commandments, than loved, to be trusted, trustworthy, worthy of the highest trust | Comments Off

It is greater to be trusted than loved.  To be worthy of the highest trust is a noble attribute & compliment.
Marvin J. Ashton

By Alan on Mar 14 in Blog tagged adolescents, adult, advice, communicate, dad, daughter, emotional, enjoyable identity, example, Father, for themselves, hazardous, home, humor, judgement, lesson, lie, listen values, love them, parent-child relationship, parenting, peer pressure, problems, Son, teenager, time | Comments Off

“The most important…work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes.”
-Harold B. Lee

Fathering teenagers often seems hazardous to one’s health, but it can also be rewarding and enjoyable. This is a time of life when teenagers are searching for an identity and a group to associate with. They are seeking answers to questions such as,”Who am I? What is my place in life?” and they are starting to think more for themselves.

Fathering is important for today’s youth. Teenagers need someone to look to as an example for advice and support and who will listen and try to understand. Fathers can help their teenagers develop a commitment to a chosen value system and a stable identity that will protect them as they mature towards adult lives.

A father’s support during these tumultuous times can be especially important in not only giving his son or daughter a sense of security in dealing with various peer and cultural pressures, but also in developing the self-discipline and moral judgement to rise above that peer pressure (Biller, 1993, p. 71, 181).

Many fathers mention time as an important aspect of fathering adolescents, not just time spent with their teenagers but time made available for them by their children. One father notes that one of the most meaningful areas in his relationship with his daughter is his availability to sit down and communicate with her about whatever she wants to talk about.

Snarey (1993, p. 161) suggests that nurturant father-daughter relationships facilitate healthy social and emotional development of the daughter. These stories illustrate how Chris and his daughter Elizabeth have become emotionally close during these times, demonstrating the need for relationship work during adolescence.

“There have been times when she has had some problems. It would take her a long while to get around to talking to me, but sometimes she did sit down and we would talk–not that I came to any conclusions. I think she came to more of the conclusions on her own regarding the problems that she had. But I was there just to talk with her and listen. Again, those seem to be the special times that she and I have had.

“Now when she wants to know something, it’s mainly about boys. My two older daughters want to know why boys are the way they are. I ask, “What do you mean?” And so they bring up a particular instance, and so I have to sit down with both of them and say, “Well, they come from a different background than I do. The way they’re feeling about things might be entirely different.

“But, here are some of the things that I went through at that age.” I let them come up with their own conclusions at that point because I don’t know what he’s thinking! Every once in a while she still has problems and will come and talk, and we talk them through. Those are special times. They are also very personal times. I would say that those are the times I really feel close to my daughters.”

Snarey (1993, p. 277) suggests that men who had active fathers are more likely to be active with their own children. One father told about his experience of having a dad that was always there for him.

“He’s always been there. I’ll just always remember him as being there, no matter what. We were in a state championship game in football and it came down to a last-second field goal. I was the field goal kicker and I missed it. I went home and was going to go with some friends somewhere. Dad was out cutting wood and feeding the horses, and I went and talked to him. He just said, “Well, sometimes you do and sometimes you don’t.” I could always talk to Dad and tell him anything, no matter what I did, whether it was wrong or right. I could always tell Dad, and he always stood behind me.

Trust is very important in a relationship, especially a parent-child relationship. The following is a story about a man who was not trusted by his father and what that meant to him:

“We were cleaning up in the back yard, a Saturday activity for everyone (or else), and I walked toward the garbage can. The garbage can was on the corner of the garage and at the garbage can I saw a dime. I got it and was happy to see it, and the next thing I knew [my father] was there questioning me where I got it. I said, “I found it out on the garbage can.” I don’t remeber exactly what he said, but it was basically, “You’re a liar. Tell me the truth–where did you come up with this?” I guess that hurt quite a bit….Painful things stand out. I think it’s disbelief. Why doesn’t a parent believe what a child is saying? I hear it in myself.

Biller (1993, p.76) suggests that if the father has a warm relationship with his children, they will be more likely to respond positively to many dimensions of his behavior, such as his moral tenets and patterns of relating to others. Adolescents who are searching for an identity will pattern their lives after those whom they trust. Teenagers watch their parents closely in looking for values and standards. Jeff, a father in New Zealand, recalls his father’s example to him and his brothers. This story illustrates mentoring work, as the father passes to his children morals he holds to be important.

“He always taught us to be honest. One time I remember that there was someone that he was working for that wanted a bunch of extra things done, so my dad did the work. Later, when Dad charged him for it, the guy said that he wouldn’t pay–and then his wife got in on it. She said no, that my dad had quoted a different price, but she didn’t take into account all of this other work, so they didn’t pay. That guy was a mechanic. My dad had some of his cars being worked on in his shop.

“After the guy had worked on them, this lady from the shop called and said that they hadn’t charged us enough and it would be an extra forty or so dollars. My brother and I were really brassed off [upset] because we thought that, well, he wasn’t paying his bill–why should we pay them? My dad said no, that it was up to us to be the honest ones and pay. I think we went down there and paid the money. That guy never did pay us back for the extra work. And yet, my dad said that it was not for us to judge that guy and that, if we pay, the Lord would help us.”

Snarey (1993, p.157) suggests that fathers continue to be models for their adolescent children even though these children are trying to become independent of their parents. When both the father and the mother are actively involved parents, their child is much more likely to develop into a socially and morally mature adult (Biller, 1993, p.76). Being active in the lives of children is an important element of relationship work, as these next three stories show. Shawn, a father of two, shares an experience when his father helped him see the importance of telling the truth.

“I remember coming home after being out with some friends; I’d had a little bit to drink. . . . Mother always waited up for me and Dad slept. If Mom ever mentioned anything bad, he’d wake right up. If Mom said, “Have you been doing this–?” then I’d hear, “What?” coming from Dad’s side of the bed. Although I can’t remember the details of that night very well, I do remember that I felt more tension than I ever had felt between Dad and me. Dad left for work at about 6:00 the next morning, as usual.

“As I was about to leave for school, Mom said, “Make sure you come home right after school because your Dad wants to talk to you.” The worst thing about it was that at first, when they’d asked me the night before if I’d been drinking, I had said, “no.” Then I’d started thinking about ways that I was going to get out of telling the truth, but I’d realized I couldn’t, so I’d just decided to tell them what really happened. I remember the disappointment.”

“When I got home from school that afternoon, he hadn’t come home yet. It was the longest half-hour I’ve ever waited in my life. He came home, went in and gave Mom a kiss and talked to Mom, then said, “Mark, come in the room.” He didn’t ask me why I had been drinking; instead he simply said, “Why did you lie to me?” Those were his first words. “Why did you lie to me?” I wasn’t ready for that question.

“That’s all he wanted to know, and I felt like the biggest heel right then. It wasn’t so much the drinking; it was that I had lied to him. That’s probably the farthest away that I’ve ever felt from him, doing that–lying to him. I hope he taught me a lesson there–to always tell the truth, no matter what the circumstance may be. Hopefully, when my kids come to me and tell me the truth, I won’t act in a way so that they won’t want to tell their dad the truth.”

The following is a story of a father who learned how he wished to discipline his children by an experience he had with his own father:

“He slapped me once. I can’t even remember what I said, but we were in the car and I mouthed something back at him. He slapped me in the face. What I remember is how awful that was. It was more devastating than any ten spankings he’d ever given me in my life. It was very personal, being in my face, and he had never done that before. I guess I must have just pushed him right over the edge, but I learned something from that which you didn’t have to draw out of me….It is not worth what it does.

“I’m not faulting him for doing it either. There have been times that I’ve wanted to slap my kids. I don’t think that he was really being a bad father, but I understood something about what it felt like to be on the receiving end of that which made me not want to do it to mine.”

Fathers can be an emotional support to their teenagers by being there in those times when they are needed most. Some fathers recall times when they needed their fathers’ support and it wasn’t there.

“I remember a time when I felt emotionally distant from my father. . . I’m not sure if he was aware that I knew of the situation. It was a case, because of the things that I was involved in, that somebody had the audacity to go to my father and tell him that I was gay. My father did nothing. He didn’t say anything. He never said anything to me, but he didn’t say anything to the guy, and that made me feel like he didn’t really care one way or the other what people said about me, and didn’t really know me at all. In those times if you were into drama, dancing and those things you had to be gay.

“Something had to be wrong with you. So something was definitely wrong and you had to get a little hassled. The thing was that the man had the nerve to say it to my father, not to someone else on the side but directly to him, and then sit there and laugh about it. And my father did nothing. I remember that particular thing because it hurt me and it made me feel like maybe I was adopted, or maybe he just didn’t care for me. And the other thing is maybe he believed it.”

One father, Shawn, tells of an experience when his father was there to support him and how he felt about it. This story illustrates the power of recreation work, as Shawn’s father took time to support him outside of his father’s daily routine.

“The one (experience) that sticks out was when I was wrestling in high school. I was going for the state championship. He and all my brothers were there– there are six boys in the family, so there were five boys there with dad. You wrestle with all these other guys all year round, but he was there when I won. I didn’t care about everybody else– dad was there.”

One of the most challenging things about fathering a teenager is dealing with their growing desire for independence. Fathers often provide support for a child’s developing autonomy (Parke, 1996, p.144). A father shares his experience when his 16-year-old daughter decided it was time for her to leave home. This story illustrates development work, as the father adapts to the changing needs of his daughter.

“Parenting adolescents has been a challenge for me, but that hardly makes me unique. A couple of years ago my daughter Kathy, our oldest child, began chafing against parental monitoring and guidance. Nothing too unusual here. She was 15. Over time we gave her more and more “slack, ” eventually getting down to a couple of basic rules: let us know where you are and who you are with, let us know when we can expect you back, call if you’re going to be late, and “be good.”

“We thought these were very minimal and reasonable rules, but it wasn’t enough for her; she needed to be on her own, completely unfettered by parental ties. We asked her if she thought other parents were more lenient than hers. She said all that she knew were stricter, but she still needed to have her freedom. She just had to be on her own.

“The summer after her sophomore year in high school, she moved out and into a home with an adult friend and her husband (they have no children). We didn’t approve, but we could see that saying no would really sour our relationship with her. It was hard to say good-bye, even though she still lives close; we had thought we would have more time with her. It’s been especially hard on her mother, who grew up in much more challenging circumstances and didn’t get much parenting or have many of the advantages Kathy enjoyed.

“I’ve learned first-hand about the process of adolescent autonomy, parental separation, and an emptying nest. I’ve learned that the timing of this process isn’t necessarily predictable and can be sooner than you think, leaving you unprepared. I think we made a good decision, and Kathy seems to be doing well, although it’s harder to know all that’s going on in her life now.

“I guess I’ve learned that children grow up on different timetables and with different needs and desires. Parents need to respect them. Although we wish we had more time with her, we now realize that parents shouldn’t assume a fixed amount of time (18 years) to rear their children before launching. We hope letting her go will preserve a good relationship so that she will still come to us, physically and emotionally, in the future. That seems to be happening somewhat already.”

Sometimes a little humor can be the best way to work with teenagers.

“One day my Dad was working on the car I usually drove. He came inside wearing his work overalls, and I asked him how it was going. He said it was going fine, but he had to go to the store and get something to finish up. I said, “You’re not going to the store looking like that…how embarrassing! You look like a geek. Don’t tell anyone you’re my Dad.” I was kind of joking but I did think it would be embarrassing if he ran into someone I knew. A few minutes later he came out of his room with home-made signs taped to his front and back that said “I’m a geek” and “I’m Kimberlie’s Dad.”

“He got in the car and was leaving and I was laughing. I was a little embarrassed but it also made me realize how dumb it was to worry about my friends knowing he was my Dad, even when he looked like a geek. I’m glad I could have a good, fun relationship with my Dad.”

Many times fathers do things they regret later. The following is a story of a father who learned from what he felt was a mistake:

“I know that self esteem is our most fragile commodity. So much of what we do as parents destroys self esteem “–clean up your room, it’s such a mess.” “–why did you only get a C in your math?” – etc. I will never forget when we were going to Philmont Scout Ranch to participate in the LDS scouter training. We had six of our children in the car with us. Mike (15) had bought a cowboy hat. He was pleased with himself in the hat. I thought he looked dumb–perhaps I was embarrassed. Well, I put him down over it, multiple times. I very much regret this….Now I deal so differently with the gang in similar situations. I try to be sensitive as to how I act over clothes or things that are important to them.”

FatherWork can be especially challenging when it involves teenage children who are stretching their wings towards greater independence. During these years, generative fathers can be the wind beneath the wings of their adolescent children as they fly farther and farther from the nest exploring a world full of opportunities and dangers. As teenagers search for a stable identity and choose a personal value system, fathers may feel unnoticed and distant from their teenagers. But as fathers work to build a strong and trusting relationship through the early years and continue to tell their maturing youth they love them, their teenagers will sense that quiet wind lifting their youthful wings and appreciate its strength and guidance. Although fathers walk a step behind their teenages during these years, their children can still recognize their dads as one of the true heroes in their lives.

More metaphors about fathering

Fatherwork
For The Family

By Alan on Nov 19 in Blog tagged control, divide, give, lie, money, own, power, split, steal, take away, wealth | Comments Off

You cannot legislate the poor into freedom by legislating the wealthy out of freedom.  What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.  The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.  When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation.  You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.  Adrian Rogers (1931-2005)