By Alan on May 21 in Blog tagged for fun, jokes, laugh, told in church | 1 Comment
JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her
mother, ‘Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’
The child thought about this for a moment then said, ‘So why is the groom
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’
The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.’
The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married , she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, ‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’
A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with
them to Jerusalem . A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and
thy mother,’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?’ Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
‘Thou shall not kill.’
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including
human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how
Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill,
and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’ Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, ‘What do you think about all this Satan stuff?’
The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your Dad.’
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop
laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh. I thought you would enjoy this….times are tough right now…for all of us…so we need something to make the day a happy place. “They” haven’t
found a way to tax you for laughing yet.
By Alan on May 08 in Blog tagged a man and a woman, abortion, abstinence, avoid pornography, baptism, between husband and wife, blessings, chastity, commandment, complete fidelity, create life, disease, divorce, faithful, Family, feel peace, for His children, God's direction, God's plan, gospel of jesus Christ, heartache, high moral standards, how you dress, in his heart, intimacy, jokes, law, looketh on a woman, marriage, obscene, overcome, Physical intimacy, repentance, resist temptation, sacred, sacred power, Satan, self-control, self-respect, sexual relations, shalt not commit adultery, sin, undesirable thoughts, virtuous and chaste, wholesome recreaction activities, words, you can be forgiven | Comments Off
Your Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy today and forever. He has given counsel and commandments through His prophets to help you. One commandment that is vital to your peace and happiness is His commandment regarding sexual purity, known as the law of chastity. The Lord instituted this law from the beginning, and He emphasized its importance to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Obedience to this commandment is a requirement for baptism in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
What Is the Law of Chastity?
Physical intimacy between husband and wife is a beautiful and sacred part of God’s plan for His children. It is an expression of love within marriage and allows husband and wife to participate in the creation of life. God has commanded that this sacred power be expressed only between a man and a woman who are legally married. The law of chastity applies to both men and women. It includes strict abstinence from sexual relations before marriage and complete fidelity and loyalty to one’s spouse after marriage.
In addition to reserving sexual intimacy for marriage, we obey the law of chastity by controlling our thoughts, words, and actions. Jesus Christ taught, “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt. 5: 27-28).
The law of chastity requires that sexual relations be reserved for marriage between a man and a woman.
Why Should I Keep the Law of Chastity?
Your Heavenly Father has given the law of chastity to protect and bless you. Like all sacred things, physical intimacy must be expressed according to God’s direction. As you keep the law of chastity, you will enjoy happiness, peace, and self-respect. You will enjoy trust and confidence in your family relation- ships, and you will be blessed with self-control. You will enjoy the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ through the influence of the Holy Ghost.
Satan leads people to believe that sexual intimacy outside of marriage is acceptable and even desirable. But it is a serious sin; God has always taught His chil- dren to be virtuous and chaste (see Ex. 20: 14 and Alma 39: 3-5). This principle is eternal.
Violating the law of chastity is an abuse of the power God has given to create life; it shows a disregard for Him and for His children. It dulls spirituality and often leads to bitterness, heartache, divorce, disease, and abortion. Those who violate this law are exposed to greater influence from Satan. This sin also seriously affects family members and others.
How Do I Keep the Law of Chastity?
God requires a high moral standard of His children. To keep the law of chastity, you must replace undesirable thoughts, words, and actions with wholesome ones.
The following principles will help:
Thoughts. Positive and constructive thoughts will push negative or immoral ones from your life. As you fill your life with whole- some thoughts and activities, you will grow in your ability to replace and overcome negative thoughts. Reading the scriptures, serving your family, working diligently, and engaging in wholesome recreational activities will help you control your thoughts.
Avoid pornography in all forms. It is addictive and destructive. It will rob you of your self-respect and of an appreciation for the beauties of life. Do not allow your mind to dwell on obscene or immoral thoughts or images. Do not view, read, or listen to anything that depicts or describes the human body or sexual conduct in a disrespectful way. Avoid looking with lustful thoughts at others, and avoid suggestive or explicit movies, television shows, Internet sites, music, books, magazines, and activities.
Words. Let your words build up others and strengthen them. Eliminate degrading, vulgar, and sexually explicit words, jokes, and themes from your conversations.
Actions. Always treat others with respect. Be modest in how you dress. If you remember that each person is a child of God, and if you do all you can to help others follow His plan, then you will be strengthened in your desire to keep the law of chastity.
Determine now that you will not do anything outside of marriage to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not arouse those emotions in another person or in yourself. Do not participate in homosexual or lesbian acts or other immoral activities. Replace activities where you may be tempted to violate the law of chastity with constructive activities and hobbies. In marriage, remain absolutely faithful to your spouse in thought and action.
Because living the law of chastity will bring you closer to God, Satan will entice you to break this commandment. He knows when you are lonely, confused, or depressed, and he will tempt you when you are weak. Pray to your Heavenly Father for help, and He will give you strength to resist temptation (see 1 Cor. 10: 13). As you rely on Him and follow these principles, you will be able to overcome temptation.
Blessings of Living the Law of Chastity
As you live the law of chastity, you will be more open to the influence of the Holy Ghost. With the guidance of the Holy Ghost, you will develop greater wisdom, face trials with greater courage, feel God’s support and direction in your life, and be an example to your family and others. The love you have for your spouse and loved ones will be deeper, richer, and more meaningful. You will experience greater peace of mind.
In the scriptures we learn that true happiness comes from obeying the commandments of God (see Mosiah 2: 41) and that “wickedness never was happi- ness” (Alma 41: 10).
If you have broken the law of chastity, God has made it possible for you to repent and become clean again. Repent now of any past transgressions, and commit to live this sacred law. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and true repentance, you can be forgiven and feel peace.
By Alan on Dec 01 in Blog tagged bow your heard, Christmas, country, culture, Family, God, God and Jesus, home, jokes, National Anthem, One Nation under God, prayer, red neck, what you believe | Comments Off
This is not the type of Redneck jokes we hear, this is beautiful.
We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It’s time to
take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that
values home, family, country and God.
I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends.
Y’all know who ya are!
You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to
be offended by the phrase, ‘One nation, under God..’
You might be a redneck if: You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
You might be a redneck if: You still say ‘ Christmas’
instead of ‘Winter Festival.’
You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when
You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your
hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem
You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces
veterans with great respect, and always have.
You might be a redneck if: You’ve never burned an
American flag, nor intend to.
(Except as part of a proper flag disposal!)
You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe
and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and
raised your kids to do the same.
Some of you are so old you don’t have elders to respect.
You might be a redneck if: You’d give your last dollar to
You might be a redneck if: You believe in God & Jesus
and believe that others have the right to believe in which
ever God they believe in as long as their God does not
tell them to kill anyone who does not believe the same
as they do!!!!!
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that
you, like me, have just enough Red Neck in you to have the
same beliefs as those talked about in this email.
God Bless the USA !
Keep the fire burning, redneck friend.
IN GOD WE TRUST!
“Moreover thou shalt provide out of all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, andrulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.” Ex. 18: 21
For The Family
By Alan on Sep 22 in Blog tagged deal with the present, familiy night, friends, game night, Having fun, jokes, love thy neighbor, One Heart, sense of humor, stress management, tips for stress | 1 Comment
Having fun is an important part of stress management.
Because studies show such wonderful health and stress relief benefits to laughter and even the anticipation of laughter, we should all work on getting more giggles into each day. And because of the many wellness benefits of leisure time, having fun should be a priority in the life of anyone who wants better health, greater happiness and less stress. Here are some strategies for having more fun in your life:
Have Friends Over More Often
Most people find themselves very busy these days — often busier than they want to be. While the activities that occupy our time are important, having fun is equally important. While busy lifestyles can sap us of our spontaneity, having friends over and setting aside some time just to play can offer a regular outlet for having fun. Worried that your house is too messy to have people over? There are simple and stress-relieving methods for cleaning, and you’ll likely find that less clutter leads to less stress anyway.
Aside from forwarding emails that make us chuckle, most people don’t just tell jokes anymore. Reader’s Digest and other sources for just one or two good jokes, you’ll find that the laughter is often contagious, others may share jokes right back, and you’re suddenly having more fun in your life.
Many people associate having fun with games, but how many people regularly indulge in a game night? Whether you rotate hosting the game night among a group of friends, you stay home and play with your family, or you go out and find a sports league or bingo night somewhere, finding a regular outlet for playing games can be a great stress reliever and method of having fun.
Deal with the Present
There’s currently a lot said in the media on mindfulness and “being in the now,” and for good reason. When you’re basing yourself firmly in the present moment (rather than ruminating on past or anticipated stressors), you’re more open to happiness, laughter and having fun.
Maintain a Sense of Humor
You can turn your stresses into fun with an attitude shift if you focus on maintaining a sense of humor in your daily life. With a lighthearted attitude, events that would normally be annoying become amusing; big hassles become humorously absurd; major stressors become really great stories waiting to be told. Having a sense of humor is a big part of having fun — it’s a way to actively seek out fun and happiness instead of waiting for it to come to you.
Tips to Manage Stressful Situations:
Listen to Music!
Call a Freind!
Yourself Through it!
Laugh it off.
Be of One Heart in HELPING OTHERS!
“And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.” Moses 7: 18