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By Alan on Mar 17 in Blog tagged caring, caring involvement, child's potential, clear standards, family life, father's primary responsibilities, fatherhood, fathering, governance of the family, heavenly parents, high ideals for men, Honor thy Father, influence, Key principles and practices, left to man's wife, moral behavior, nurturing environment, power in righteousness, primary responsibility, Sean E. Brotherson, son or daughter, teaching, the Church, the live of their children, the school, worthy of honor | Comments Off
By Alan on Mar 08 in Blog tagged be calm, caring, close, concerned, consistent, early years, honest, limits, open language, parents, praise, protect, relationships, supportive, teenagers, teens, watch | Comments Off
Teenagers who have close relationships with their parents are less likely to use drugs, abuse alcohol or become pregnant out of wedlock. These teens are more likely to adopt the beliefs and values of their parents. Teens who are close to their parents resist peer pressure better and are less likely to commit crimes.
How do we develop close relationships with our teens? Here are some ideas from experts in adolescent development.
Be honest. Adolescents are developing their thinking abilities. They want to know the reasons for everything, and they expect consistency from their parents. They are critical of the parent who is dishonest or two-faced.
Be open. Adolescents want to be able to talk with their parents, but they also need their privacy and independence. The adult-adolescent conversation needs to be two-sided, with both people sharing their thoughts and feelings. Adolescents want to know if, as adults, we are struggling over the same concerns they are. If we are doing most of the talking, we’re talking too much.
When it is your turn to speak, watch your language. Sometimes we talk to teens in ways that say “you would be OK if . . .” or “we will love you more if . . .”( . . . you go to church, clean your room, get good grades, etc.).
We order, warn, nag, threaten and preach to our teens to try to teach them to be more responsible and more sensible. However, this can backfire and actually encourage our teens to be less responsible and less sensible. Teens are more likely to be responsible and follow our wishes if they feel accepted. Speaking politely conveys acceptance. For example, we can say, “I’m sorry to interrupt you, but . . .” or “I realize you may not want to, but it would help me so much if . . .”
Also, catching teens doing the things we want and praising them for it fosters feelings of acceptance. For example, instead of praising them for “a nice report card”, say “You’ve done very well in art and science. You must really like those subjects.”
Be calm. Adolescents like to try out their arguing skills. If you get angry and yell or scream, this is an ideal time for them to practice. Avoid getting into power struggles and arguments with your adolescent. If you talk calmly, your child can see you as in control of the situation.
Set clear and consistent limits. Younger children abide by the rules set down by the parents just because they are rules. Adolescents are more likely to question the importance of the rule and why there has to be one at all. You should respect your child’s need to have the rule explained. Take time to explain why this rule is set and allow time for negotiation of certain rules such as curfew. However, don’t hesitate to say when something is not open to negotiation, such as riding in a car with kids who have been drinking or taking drugs.
Remember that growing up means becoming independent. In situations where your child’s well-being is not in danger, you may need to accept that your child makes choices you wouldn’t have made. Or that your child has behaved in ways that you don’t approve. That’s independence. Your child may temporarily dress weird or follow a strange hairstyle trend. Your teen is showing individualism and independence from you. Try to overlook some of the outside appearances and concentrate on the inner strengths of your teenager. When teens plan a party, leave the planning to them and don’t interfere unless asked or unless the plans become unacceptable to you.
Be supportive. Independence does not mean isolation. It means establishing a different kind of relationship with parents, not terminating it. Almost all adolescents say their parents are the most important people in their lives. Adolescence is a time when you are needed–when teens are trying to figure out who they really are.
No matter how frustrated you may feel at times, your teen needs you as a base of support, as much now as during the early years of life.
For Further Reading:
The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting
by Laurence Steinberg
You and your adolescent: A parent’s guide for ages 10-20
by Laurence Steinberg
Real Families Real Answers
For The Family
Justin Osmond is of One Heart in helping the Deaf.
Charity is “the pure love of Christ,” or “everlasting love” (Moroni 7:47; 8:17). The prophet Mormon taught: “Charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (Moroni 7:45; see also 1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
Jesus Christ is the perfect example of charity. In His mortal ministry, He always “went about doing good,” teaching the gospel and showing tender compassion for the poor, afflicted, and distressed (see Matthew 4:23; Mark 6:6; Acts 10:38). His crowning expression of charity was His infinite Atonement. He said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This was the greatest act of long-suffering, kindness, and selflessness that we will ever know.
The Savior wants all people to receive His love and to share it with others. He declared to His disciples: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:34-35). In relationships with family members and others, followers of Christ look to the Savior as their example and strive to love as He loves, with unfailing compassion, patience, and mercy.
The Savior is the best example of service. Even though He came to earth as the Son of God, He humbly served all those around Him. He declared, “I am among you as he that serveth” (Luke 22:27).
The Savior used a parable to teach the importance of service. In the parable, He told of His return to the earth in His glory and of separating the righteous from the wicked. To the righteous in this parable He says: “Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me” (Matthew 25:34-36).
The righteous, who are puzzled by this declaration, ask: “Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?” (Matthew 25:37-39).
“World of Giving” By: Alan and David Osmond