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By Alan on May 08 in Blog tagged a man and a woman, abortion, abstinence, avoid pornography, baptism, between husband and wife, blessings, chastity, commandment, complete fidelity, create life, disease, divorce, faithful, Family, feel peace, for His children, God's direction, God's plan, gospel of jesus Christ, heartache, high moral standards, how you dress, in his heart, intimacy, jokes, law, looketh on a woman, marriage, obscene, overcome, Physical intimacy, repentance, resist temptation, sacred, sacred power, Satan, self-control, self-respect, sexual relations, shalt not commit adultery, sin, undesirable thoughts, virtuous and chaste, wholesome recreaction activities, words, you can be forgiven | Comments Off
A new BYU study, published in the American Psychological Association’s Journal of Family Psychology, shows that those ideas are not supported by research — and that includes people of all ages, races and religious backgrounds.
“So many people think that sexual compatibility must be one of the first things figured out,” said Dean Busby, BYU professor and lead author on the study. “However, we didn’t find any benefit to early sexual involvement.”
In fact, researchers came to find that sexual timing in relationships has a large effect on the quality of relationships and overall satisfaction. They concluded that individuals who waited until marriage to have sex experienced more satisfaction, stability and better communication in relationships.
For members of the Church, the concept of waiting to have sex until marriage isn’t new — the commandment is an eternal principle encouraged from a young age and emphasized in the youth programs of the Church and the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet.
The newly published research shows some of the other benefits — more than the spiritual — that come from abstinence until marriage.
“The research supports it from a different angle,” Brother Busby said. “That was part of our hope … makes people think maybe there is more to this commandment to be with one person. It builds relationships in very important ways and helps people make better decisions in who to marry.”
Research shows that as couples develop their relationship while delaying or refraining from sexual intimacy they are able to form foundations on communication and other social processes.
“When couples become sexual early in the relationship … other areas do not develop as well,” Brother Busby said. “Couples who wait spend time talking and sharing their life, getting to know each other in other ways, strengthening their relations and creating greater relationship satisfaction.”
Brother Busby, along with his BYU associates Jason Carroll and Brian Willoughby, started studying sexual timing at the end of 2007. More than 2,000 married individuals answered questions while participating in an online marital assessment called “RELATE” — a study that has been collecting data and conducting research on different aspects of relationships and marriage for more than 30 years.
The average age of participants was 36, but the sample ages ranged from as young as 18 and as old as 70. Although the recent study came out of BYU, a known religious institution, researchers were sure to take religiosity into account, controlling the study to represent more of the demographics of the married American population, including participants of all ages, races and religious affiliation in the study. Only six percent of the study included members of the Church.
Along with questions about communication and overall satisfaction in relationships, participants answered the question, “When did you become sexual in this relationship?”
Researchers found that for those who waited to have sex until they were married rated their relationship stability 22 percent higher, their relationship satisfaction 20 percent higher, sexual quality of the relationship 15 percent better and communication 12 percent better, than those who did not wait for marriage. Results from the study show that couples who were in between — meaning those who became sexually involved later in the relationship but prior to marriage — had half of the reported benefits.
“When couples are sexual very early it sets up seeds of distrust,” Brother Busby said. “Knowing that the person was sexual with [an individual] before they really knew [that person] without a commitment and trust lingers in a relationship.”
That, Brother Busby said, leads to less stability and trust.
“In the end, sex in a relationship is relative,” Brother Busby said. “If you think of the amount of time in relationships, it is relatively small. Time talking and developing relationships is greater and are so crucial in how you are going to feel in the companionship. Today, things are turned upside down. It is all about sex first and then couples hope the other areas develop.”
Although the physical element in a relationship is still very important, Brother Busby said, it is the timing that is the crucial part.
In the end, research proves that following the standards set forth in the gospel contributes to stronger relationships and greater satisfaction.
“The longer a couple waits, the better,” Brother Busby said.
By Alan on Jan 09 in Blog tagged abstinence, alan, another, call, church, degrees, doctrine, drugs, Elias, Father, flory, gathering, God, good-bye, Israel, Jesus, jews, knowledge, latter-day, LDS, leave, life, Malachi, member, Mission, missionary, Mormon, Moses, mother, Nazareth, newspaper, Osmond, Palestine, Paul, prophet, quit, restoration, saints, salvation, service, temple, ten tribes, tithing, wisdom, worker, youth | 2 Comments
In response to the highly critical and spirited remarks, a local member wrote this rebuttal:
I have been thinking of quitting the Mormon Church. Yes, if I can, I am
going to get even with that church. As soon as I can find another church
that teaches about the Gathering of the House of Israel; the return of the
Ten Tribes and their mission; the return of the Jews to Palestine and why,
and how they are going to build the temple; the building of temples and what
to do with them; the mission of Elias, the prophet, as predicted by
Malachi; the method for the salvation of the people that died at the time of
Noah in the flood; the origin of the American Indian; the complete
explanation of why Jesus of Nazareth had to have a mortal mother but not a
mortal father; the explanation of the three degrees of glory (three heavens)
as mentioned by Paul; the complete explanation of why Elias and Moses did
not die but had to be translated (since they both lived before the
resurrection was introduced by Christ); the restoration of the gospel by
modern revelation as promised by Peter and Paul and Jesus himself; the
belief in eternal marriage and the family, and the knowledge and the place
to seal for eternity; that teaches abstinence from all harmful drugs and
foods ; and that sells the best fire insurance policy on earth, for the
last days, for only a 10th of my income.
Yes sir, as soon as I can find another church that teaches all that, or
even half as much, I will say good-bye to this Mormon Church. The church
that I am looking for must also be able to motivate 50,000+ youth, and
adults, for the first, second or third time, to leave their homes for two
years at their own expense and go to far-away places to teach and preach
without salary. It must be able to call, on a frosty day, some 5 or 6
thousand professors, students, lawyers, doctors, judges, policemen,
businessmen, housewives and children to go and pick apples at 6 am. It must
be able to call meetings and get the attention for two hours of more than
150,000 men. Yes, it must also teach and show why salvation is assured for
children who die before eight years of age.
Mr. Editor, could you help me find a church that teaches all that and more
than hundreds of other doctrines and principles, which I have no room to
mention here, and which brings solace and comfort to the soul; peace,
hope, and salvation to mankind, and above all, that answers the key
questions that all the great philosophers have asked; questions and answers
that explain the meaning of life, the purpose of death, suffering and pain;
the absolute need for a Redeemer and the marvelous plan conceived and
executed by Jesus Christ the Savior? Yes, as soon as I find another
church that teaches that, and also that has the organization and the powers
to make that teaching effective, I am going to quit the Mormon Church. For
I should not tolerate that “they” should change a few words in the Book of
Mormon-even if those changes simply improve the grammar and the syntax of
the verses-for, after all, don’t you think the Divine Church should employ
angels as bookmakers, and clerks, to do all the chores on earth? Don’t you
think, Mr. Editor that the Divine Church should also have prophets that
don’t get sick and don’t get old and die, and certainly, that don’t make a
goof here and there. No, sir! A Divine Church should be so divine that only
perfect people should belong to it, and only perfect people should run it.
As a matter of fact, the Church should be so perfect that it should not even
be here on earth!
So, I repeat, if any one of the kind readers of this imperfect letter knows
about another church that teaches and does as much for mankind as the
Mormon Church, please let me know. And please do it soon, because my turn
to go to the cannery is coming up. Also, “they” want my last son (the fifth
one) to go away for two years and again, I have to pay for all that. And I
also know that they expect me to go to the farm to prune trees, and I have
heard that our ward is going to be divided again, and it is our side that
must build the new chapel. And also, someone the other day had the gall of
suggesting that my wife and I get ready to go on a second mission, and when
you come back, they said, you can volunteer as a temple worker.
Boy, these Mormons don’t leave you alone for a minute. And what do I get
for all that, I asked? ”Well,” they said, “for one, you can look forward to
a funeral service at no charge!”… Do you think you can help me to find
Thomas D. Clark
Personally, there is ‘NO WAY‘ that I would ever leave this Church of ours for it has the authority to perform those eternal saving ordinances that will get me and my wife Suzanne with our family back together and resurrected into the highest ‘mansion‘ in the everlasting heavens to be with our Heavenly Parents once again…. unless I choose to sin and to not live those higher laws that deserve the highest blessings and ‘mansion‘ , which I WON’T!
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