You’re Not Divorced – You’re Single!
By Alan on May 31 in Blog tagged bad routine, baggage, best qualities, didn't work, divorce, divorced, first impression, first imression, no one cares, not divorced, notice, R. Stan Smith, re-brand, re-package, single | 3 Comments
You’re Not Divorced – You’re Single!
Tonight, I listened to my brother-in-law, R. Stan Smith, talk to a group of single adults over 50 years old. I was very impressed with the discussion and council that he gave to them and asked if I could share some of them. Here are some things to think about!
“When you meet someone new, you only have one chance to make a first impression!
When someone asks if you are married, DO NOT preface it with “No, I’m divorced.”
You NEVER want to introduce yourself as DIVORCED! You should just answer their question and say No! Or say, I’m Single. The question was, are you married! Don’t get into your past. That’s NOT what they asked you!
- When you tell people you are divorced, what is the message you are sending?
Answer: BAGGAGE! “I was a part of something that didn’t work.”
Let me tell you why. NO ONE CARES! Everybody has his or her own problems and circumstances. It doesn’t matter. It’s not the way to start a first impression!
- How many of you think that you wear your divorce like a badge?
How many of you have met someone who wears it like that? Is that the first impression you want to give people? The fact that you’re divorced?
-What quality do you want people notice about you first?
You want them to notice the BEST Qualities about you for their first impression.
-You’re stuck in a rut and you’re not moving forward in any dating relationships. How do I get out of this bad routine?
RE-BRAND and RE-PACKAGE!
“Those who have caused a divorce through their own poor choices can repent and be forgiven. Those whose marriages have failed because of what others have done can receive strength and comfort from the Lord, who promised: ”Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. . . . For my yoke is easy, and my burden light” (Matthew 11: 28, 30).
If you would like Stan to talk with your group or organization, or if you have further dating questions, write to Stan Smith at: rstansmith@verizon.net
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This is rhetorical nonsense to say “I’m single” rather than I’m divorced. Both are true, however to patently say that one screams “I have baggage,” when the other doesn’t is unscientific and full of hyperbole. What’s the point? If we’re divorced, they’re going to find out anyway….why mask it with “I’m single” as if none of it happened? Do we think that in that first-date context the person we meet is not going to find out? To me, as a clinical therapist, and a divorced LDS female, to take this stand of “I’m single” is hiding. Baggage will exist no matter what we declare to others if we haven’t done the work to heal it. However, hiding one’s experiences is how Satan would like us to react. Let’s pretend we’re single until they find out we’re divorced. When we’re healed, we’re honest, open and we have enough self-worth to OWN our experiences and who we are. Your advice to those singles was seriously flawed, my friend.
Jennifer, I am no clinical therapist and we are not asking you to pretend. Stan who wrote the article is only saying that to start a new conversation with someone you don’t make him climb over your suitcases to get to you. Just be who you are and everything will work out or not. Stan has council’d many single ladies after they were divorced and he has been asked to speak to several groups because of the success the women have had. Yes, be healed. Yes, be honest. And please just let go of some of the therapy and put your trust your heart in God!
very interesting, I always say I’m divorced when I’m asked if I am married, maybe now I will think before I say so – thanks xx