Lady In Distress.

By Alan on Dec 25 in Blog tagged bad habit, better, energy, Family, feeling, fresh air, future, house, husband, kids, learning, life, marriage, talk, time, tired, TV, walk | Comments Off

As a Marriage and Family Counselor, I was particularly touched a few years ago by a plea from a client who sent me a note designating herself furtively as “Lady In Distress”. She said she loved her husband dearly, and appreciated so much how hard he worked for the good of their family.  But she had become concerned about what she called the disintegration of their family time.  It seems each night dad would arrive home at 6:00 and exhaustedly plop himself in front of the television to watch the news.  She’d have dinner ready promptly at 6:30 after which he’d head back to his Lazy Boy loungechair in front of the TV.  There he’d grab his remote and vegetate nightly.  Often he’d doze off and snore loud enough to make the cats leave the room, thoroughly annoyed..  Sometimes he’d chat with the kids if they happened to enter his domain to ask something, but was never willing to leave the general area…and certainly never willing to leave the house.

After considerable prodding from her, he finally agreed that he had fallen into some bad night-time habits, but said he was just too exhausted after working so hard and just wanted / needed to relax.  However he also agreed to listen to any suggestions I might have to offer, so at their request I gave him a little prescription with a promise that within 30 days it would improve both his energy level as well as family harmony.  It was simple, but effective.

Following dinner each night he was to put on a comfortable pair of shoes and with his wife, instead of migrating to the television they would head out the front door. He was to look at his watch and start off walking at a comfortable pace in whatever direction he wanted, but for just 15 minutes.  I told him at that point he could either stay where he was or turn around and walk home, which was a sneaky way to get him to be ambulatory for just 30 leisurely minutes each night.  He was then allowed to go back to watching TV the rest of the evening if he wished to.

Reluctantly, he agreed.  

To his surprise, after the first week he actually admitted to feeling better and even having more energy.  His second week I told him it was time to start alternating taking one of his kids along instead of his wife each time.

By the end of the month he said he had gotten to the point where he didn’t bother to even look at his watch anymore, but figured he was averaging a very enjoyable 90-minute stroll each night.  Often he would get acquainted with neighbors he never knew he had.  He also said he had started learning a lot about his kids.  He said although they weren’t too excited about going along with him at first, as soon as they realized they would have a chance to have dad all to themselves to talk to, they started fighting for their turn each week.  

Surprisingly (to him, at least), his flow of energy continued to increase over that first 30-day trial period and he said he was thrilled to see he had even dropped a pant size.  He also admitted to me privately that he liked the idea that now his kids will have future memories about taking these pleasant walks with dad instead of remembering him as the grumpy guy flopped incommunicado in front of the television each night.

So how ’bout you, dads?  Give up a half hour of tv each night?  You never know.  It could be the beginning of something really great in your life….and in your family’s also. What have you got to lose?

Best wishes to each of you for a healthier and more fulfilling family life in this coming year—

D.R.M.

— FAMILY WELL-BEING —